“We Can't Talk About That …”

On April 22^nd, 2012, Jesse Tink, Waterloo Campus Pastor, delivered a message titled, “We Can’t Talk About That …” at the 11:00 service for Prairie Lakes Church in Cedar Falls, Iowa. The following are nuggets I took away from his presentation.

We can no longer afford to follow the cultural norm of Iowa and classify certain things as topics “We cannot talk about” any longer. Iowa Christians have used this excuse to avoid talking about issues that are distancing brothers and sisters in Christ and holding back the work of the Holy Spirit in the lives of individuals and the church collectively. We must be willing to brave the tough conversations.

He used the example of Abigail going to meet David in 1Samuel 25. From that passage he outlined the following principals of how to have that conversation:

·         (v 18) Make It Right QUICK!

Delaying the conversation does NOT help or make it go away; it only makes it harder and bigger. When you know something is wrong, or when you have been wronged, go as soon as possible and set a time to talk with the other person. This is the principle behind Matthew 18.

·         (v 23) Go In Humility

Do not go in anger, judgment, resentment, bitterness, etc. Go in humility seeking to speak the truth in LOVE (Ephesians 4:15). I do not know all the facts and I am never completely innocent. Seek to find your part in the problem, ask for forgiveness, and make the necessary corrections so it doesn’t happen again. Go to learn.

·         (v 25) Tell The Truth

Do not message the truth. You must tell all the truth. God can only move through the whole truth. Understand that before having this conversation I can only know a part of the truth at best. I need to hear what the other person has to say and they need to hear what I have to say.

The Last 10% - We need to ask ourselves and others what hasn’t been said yet. The norm is for us to only communicate 90% of the truth. We instinctively leave the most important part of truth for the last and if possible will avoid revealing it if given a chance. Before a conversation is done ask yourself, “What am I not saying; what I have left out that needs to be said if the person is going to understand the whole truth?” When the other person has finished talking, be sure to ask, “Is there anything else that you need or want to say?”

·         (v 28) Trust The Truth

Believe that the truth is the only way and best way to move forward in your relationship with this person. God can only move through the truth.

·          (v 30) Go With Genuine Concern

Go with a genuine concern of what will happen to this relationship if you don’t get it worked out. Have enough love and concern for the other person that you cannot help but go and talk because they are too important to loose.

·         (vs 36-8) Timing Is EVERYTHING

Sometimes when you go right away you will realize that this is not the best time. If that is the case, don’t leave until you have set a time and place to talk.

This was a great presentation and really meant a lot to me. This is one area in which I need to work harder. If you want additional input on how to have this kind of conversation, I would highly suggest taking a look at the December1, 2011 post titled, “Speaking the Unspeakable” by Kim Sawyer.